poetry

These poems from myself, and others who have been kind enough to contribute, come from the heart, their feelings, innermost emotions weep out in these poems. If you feel that you will be triggered by reading, then please wait until you are feeling somewhat stronger. Every so often I include some of mine, most that I have shown so far have centred around the anger I felt at my father and mother. The ones below are from the early stages of my healing, the desperation I felt. I have got past this now, and I no longer feel the utter desperation these words depict, you can get through and past it too. You are not alone in your desperation for ever, things do get better.

It's Not Fair!

It's not fair!
It's not my fault,
I did nothing wrong,
I was an innocent child.

Why do I have to live with this?
This evil invading my body and mind.
Why must I suffer the consequences of what someone else did?

Why must I relive the terror and agony again and again?
I Hate this feeling of powerlessness, of having the pain take over and
control me.
It's not fair!
I did nothing wrong!

I tried to cry out, but no one was there.
I tried to tell, but no one listened.
I didn't want it to happen.

I want them to suffer!
I want them to experience the pain I feel!
The terror that overpowers me.
Let them suffer for what they've done!

I did nothing wrong,
It wasn't my fault.
I was a innocent child,
An unwilling pawn in they're life of crime,
In they're sick game of "love", using a child,
Their trying to fill a void, taking it out on me.
I wasn't my fault, I had nothing to do with their illness,
They shouldn't have made me their momentary cure.

It's not fair!
I want them to suffer a life of hell,
To truly know the agony I still live with,
The pain I experience,
I want them to know what I go through,
And how they've changed my life.

I'm not ready to forgive.
I'm furious to the depths of my soul.
I Hate them for what they've done,
For hurting me- My Body and Soul.
Someday, I might be able to forgive,
But not now.

Šcynthia

A Small Child

This tragedy of life,
A small child torn and hurt,
Her innocence taken away.
So violent was his rage,
So angry the pain...

What's going on?
What did I do?
Why is he hurting me so, tearing me,
The Pain-
I try to scream and nothing is heard.
Why is he so angry with me?
What did I do to deserve this punishment....

He's gone now, I lie here bleeding and hurt.

I'm crying, but don't know why?
Nothing's happened, not really.
I must have awaken from a bad dream,
I lie whivering, clutching my; pillow,
Finally, crying myself to sleep.

It wasn't real,
Just an evil nightmear,
The first of many I'm soon to know.
It couldn't have really happened,
So it doesn't matter how I feel...

Or does it?

-Šcynthia

DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL

I was Daddy's little girl
He always said to me
Especially when Mommy was at work
And he sat me on his knee.

"You are Daddy's little girl,"
The words echo in my head
His hands moved swiftly
And I thought of other things instead.

"This is between us,
Mommy doesn't need to know,
You are Daddy's little girl
And I love you so."

'But Daddy..that hurts'...
"It's okay.." he would say,
"I wouldn't hurt my little girl
Let me show you how to play."

A kiss on the cheek
His hand moving THERE,
"STOP moving away"...he would yell
There was no one to interfere.

Years went by and Mommy didn't know,
And she would wonder why
Her little girl became quiet, so he would
say,
"Don't worry, she's growing up"..and look me in
the eye.

His words enforced
"Don't tell Mommy
It's a secret only for us
You are special only for me."

"She doesn't love you
Like I do..."
So I began to believe
His words to be true.

The years passed by,
At times they dragged on
He stopped his 'games'
And I couldn't wait to be gone.

His drinking became worse,
And I met a guy who was nice.
I thought I could find
A place called paradise.

So the wedding was planned
And I watched the days unfurl,
It was then I had to dance with HIM,
The song was, "Daddy's Little Girl."

ŠKathy

I WANT TO BE FREE
Written By: Diane

I feel so lost, like a child run astray,
I want control of my life, but instead I run away.
I can’t face the truths that come in the night,
I don’t have the energy to continue the fight.

But how can I just give up, and let him win?
He took so much from me, I want me back again.
I’m so sad and depressed and unhealthy as well
But I have a story, one that I must tell.

You see, I was married to a man I thought I knew.
His anger, his ugliness, his violence out of view.
It was only at night, no, anytime of day
He forced himself on me, he had his way.

He was brutal and ruthless and didn’t seem to care
He was hurting me so badly, but "I" wasn’t really there.
Dissociation, or repression, is the name they give
To the one thing that helped me, enabled me to live.

Now I must work through all he’s done to me
Or happiness and normalcy will never be.
It’s painful and frightening, but I owe it to me,
To work as hard as I can, so someday I’ll be free.
ŠDiane

MY LIFE OF PAIN
Written By: Diane

My eyes filled with tears, my heart filled with pain
My body exhausted, because he did it again.
He hurt me so many times, I’ve been unable to count
It’s the way he hurt me that’s affected my life, not the amount.

I read all the books, go to therapy as well,
But the nightmares and flashbacks continue my life in hell.
I see a ray of sunshine, just every once in awhile,
But his black clouds of abuse remove any hint of a smile.

Happily ever after used to be my dream.
Now my past engulfs me, as I try so hard to scream.
"Don’t touch me, don’t hurt me, please stop, I beg of you."
It’s as if I have no voice as he continues to do what he wants to do.

His abuse was so cruel and inhumane,
My brain decided to repress it, letting it happen over and again.
I’ll never understand how it was safer not knowing
Because now in every part of my life, the damage is showing.

Now I’m told I must work through this, as to heal, I must feel.
But the pain of these memories brings feelings so real.
The pain is all over: my body, heart, and mind,
I can only hope that someday, peace I will find.
ŠDianne

WHY AM I SO SAD
Written By: Diane

Why am I always so sad?
I used to be happy, or at least I thought I was.
Why is pain my predominant feeling?
Why does it hurt so much?
Why do I feel so alone?
God is there…Kevin is there…
Is it me that is missing?
Is that why I’m so lonely?
How do I get me back?
Have I ever had me?

The answer to these questions is sad, but so true.
When the first memory surfaced, that was my first clue.
The time seemed to stop, as I realized the fact,
I’d been abused most of my life, happiness had been an act.

FEELINGS
Written By: Diane

What do I feel?
How do I feel?
What does that mean?
Are feelings things?
Why do they hurt?
Can we really control our feelings?
It seems as though everyone else has more
control of my feelings than me.
Why can't I feel?
And, when I do feel, why am I sad?
Why do I have to hurt?
Did he do that to me?
Did I let him?
WHY?
Why couldn't I stop him?
Why did he hurt me?
He said he loved me...
Why does he continue to hurt me?
I want to let go, but how?
He's always there...
He's in my sleep and he's in my day.
I want to be happy, but how?
I'm away from him, but it's still happening...
It's still happening as I remember.
I want to be strong and healthy.
How do I stop the destruction?
They tell me, to heal, I must feel...
But it hurts so to feel.
Am I supposed to hurt?
God, please help me remove the pain from my life.
Please let me feel....
Please let me overpower the pain he bestowed upon me.
Please let me be happy.
Please let me feel alive again.
ŠDianne

A VERY SPECIAL GIFT
Written By: Diane

You came into my life, such a ray of sunshine
I would never have dreamed someone like you could ever be mine.
As we became closer, the memories began to erupt
You didn’t falter or run, you didn’t let me self-destruct.

My insides were dark, but my outside looked bright,
I was happy-go-lucky, but was filled with fright.
The smile on my face, the look in my eyes
Was a mask to hide the memories I’ve learned to despise.

Hand in hand, we walk through my painful and brutal past
Through all the difficult times, you have convinced me our love will last.
You are truly a gift from God, one meant especially for me,
Together forever is the way it’s supposed to be.

My favorite place to be is laying in your arms,
For then I am filled with warmth and love, and feel safe from harm.
I look into your eyes and I see your heart so bright,
To all the darkness around me, it is a beacon of light.

We plan for our future, we deal with the past,
Our present is before us, I know we can last.
There is no love, no love that is stronger,
So, I don’t need to be afraid any longer.

Your touch is so tender, your words full of love,
Your strength and your wisdom, all gifts from Above.
Your honesty, compassion and drive to succeed,
Gives me the strength to keep fighting, so someday I can be freed.

Thank you, Kevin, for your unconditional love.
Thank you, God, for bringing Kevin into my life.
ŠDianne

JUST ANOTHER DAY
Written By: Diane

I sit up in bed and realize another day is beginning.
I get out of bed, with much effort, attempting to go forward with my day.
I find that I tire so easily. What was so exhausting?
Was it brushing my teeth, my hair?
Was it making the bed…or did I even make the bed?
Or, was it merely getting out of bed that tired me so much?
I don’t have much to look forward to, as I don’t allow myself to dream.
So why is every day a disappointment?

I used to have, what I thought at the time, such a vibrant life.
I felt alive. I felt accomplished. I felt productive.
Then, the day came…
The first memory surfaced of sexual abuse and torture.
It was my husband. The person I trusted. The person I thought loved me.
I never understood why I didn’t love him the way he loved me.
Now, I understand.

I left because I thought he deserved better…
someone that would love him, no matter what.
No one can love a man that does what he’s done to me.

I can’t seem to get away from the memories.
I have no life, because he’s always there.
He’s in my day, he’s in my night.
He’s in my mirror, he’s in my home.
The memories of what he has done to me won’t stop.
That’s why everyday is a disappointment.
ŠDiane

HE STEPPED ON MY HEART
Written By: Diane

He hangs his head, as he leans against the wall,
He used to be so little, but now he’s so tall.
He used to wear such a sweet, honest smile,
Now he is so angry, repressing all the while.

He made new friends, from the other side of town,
He smoked pot and drank whenever they were around.
When I asked him what he did last night, he’d say he was just chillin’
In other words he was doing anything anyone else was willing.

He got to a point that he could hold in no more,
All the anger and pain he’d endured before.
He threatened and rebelled, hitting his fist through a wall,
I ran out of answers, so I made the first call.

I thought if we dealt with the alcohol and pot,
Being forced to become aware would help a lot.
He seemed to be working with the program he was in
Then all of a sudden, he was at it again.

His anger continued to tear our life apart
When he was little he stepped on my toes, now he steps on my heart.
He says he still loves me, but that I just don’t understand
The way he was behaving was not at all what I had planned.

I am so hopeless against the power of his pain
I desperately turned to the courts for help again.
We went before the judge, his anger keeping him strong,
A behavior contract was created, to keep him from doing wrong.

He violated it daily, so I continued to seek aid,
The next step was the hardest, the hardest I had made.
He was placed in a program, to bring the family back together,
It worked for awhile, then anger came back more vicious than ever.

Nothing could stop him from traveling this path of destruction,
He was determined to be angry and fight any other option.
He finally found something that stopped him in his path,
He took it too far, he was so filled with wrath.

He’s now in the hands of a judge at the mercy of the court,
As his anger, drinking and smoking led to a police report.
He’s just graduated from high school, should be in his prime,
But instead he chose to commit a horrible crime.

We’re still in the system, still waiting to hear
Whether he’ll be back with us anytime this year.
When our children are little, stepping on our toes is a start,
But when they get older they step on our heart.

THE SKY
Written By: Diane

I am so amazed by the power of the sky.
The vibrant colors that speak with no words;
The soft white of the clouds scattered across the brilliant blue of a clear
day,
The gray and green hues of an impending storm.
It’s a miracle to me that something can be so expressive, yet make no sound.

One can marvel at the beauty, and at the rage,
As we look to the sky for signs of it’s temperament.
At night, the moon shines brightly upon God’s splendor,
While millions of stars dance across the sky.
With a storm comes bright flashes of lightning, rumbles of thunder,
rain, sleet or hail.
Peace is known to be, when clear skies prevail.

We watch the peaceful entry as the sun rises into sight,
And wonder at the reds, oranges and purples as it sets at night.
Ah, how blessed we are to have such beauty surround us,
Beauty not to be taken for granted, for it is a precious gift from God.

ŠDiane

TELL

Dreams, they urge me to tell
To break the spell
To let others see
What he is doing to me

Why? Why should I
So mum can cry
Then blame me
Don't you see

Yes, I could tell
Then they would yell
Take me away
Forever and a day

Yes I could speak
Let the truth leak
Then where would I be
Still alone with me

He knew all along
How this secret is strong
He made it so
My father so low

He knew I would fear
Having no one near
Being sent away
Forever and a day

So I keep my mouth shut
Tell I will not
I want to be home
Even in this old room

I want them all near
Even with all my fear
I am still so alone
With this shame he has borne

ŠJill Miles 1995

Lets Talk Daddy Dear

Lets talk daddy dear
Lets have a chat
Lets talk about how you raised your daughter in fear

I'm sorry daddy dear I don't understand
Please say that again
How you feel you weren't treated as a proper husband???!!

So daddy dear, your story, your life
You felt incomplete
Unsatisfied by your wife

Well daddy dear, would you then say
You felt justified
Molesting me day after day??

Oh daddy dear, this is so sad
Because of your wife
You treated me so bad

Now daddy dear after all this time
think of it now
Who is responsible for your crime?

Louder daddy dear, louder for life
I am not to blame
I was your daughter, NOT YOUR WIFE!

ŠBy Jill Miles 1995

I Don't Need You

I once was a hypochondriac
A different illness here and there
My head, my chest, my leg, my back
I desperately needed you to care

It didn't matter what it was
I just wanted you to see
That everything I had because
I wanted you to care for me

I believe now it was all psychologically
But I felt it none the less
I presumed that rather magically
That your feelings you would reassess

I hoped that you would realise
That I needed your love and time
Not your frequent looks of despise
Like it was I that had committed some crime

Today I no longer care about you
My illnesses have disappeared
Now what is important is what I do
Living a life I no longer fear

You can continue in your denial
But I think you will agree
From God there is no reprisal
And in the end, it is he you will see

ŠJill Miles 1995

Is It???

Is it this nation, that
determines each day
each action we make

Is it culture, that
Impels us in every way
the steps we take

Is it genetic, what
we inherit that guides us
that moves us forward

Is it inherent, what
ever we do is designed for us
By a force bigger - like God?

Is it predestined
What life will be
Do we not question
Actions we see?

So if in the norm
can we find a definition
Are we to informal
Not bother with a solution?

In the family sense
What's right and wrong
Have we not sat on the fence
Pointed the finger too long?

ŠJill Miles 1995

Truth

Ridicule is my food
Tears are my drink
Life is my pain.
Each day living in fear
It's the way I'm trained.
Accustom to the shadow
Behind false love
No one really knows
What I'm thinking of.
Have you guessed me yet?
Do you know my name?
Remember..I am a child
I am not to blame!
I'm a survivor
Alive and true
My name is Shame
But who are you?
Are you the one
>From my nighmare?
Betraying me always
Keeping my guilt there?
Will you ever know?
Can you honestly see
What this terror
Is doing to me.

ŠShannon Rickert January 1990

Relations

Sadness, so pure and painful measure the souls resistance Taking from one the feeling of existence.
Tearing holes into the spirit that lives to find love What good could the production of sadness be of?

I'll tell you my friend and make it perfectly clear Come sit by me and lend me your ear.
For to have joy in its purest form
We must consider the relations of a storm.

The winds fly tearing apart all that is made While the rain washes away every last blade Leaving the ground empty and cold
Almost barren without a hold.

Yet it is the storm that creates life you know Teaching the ground to continue to grow Through the tearing of the winds and tears of the rain We'll see its beauty yet again.

So revel in sadness to release the joy
The price is high, but I do employ
That without the sadness there can be no love Our hearts would not know what we were thinking of.

The soul would be empty
And the heart a void
If we did not embrace
The relations to joy.

ŠShannon Rickert June 1996

For My Daughter

Exploding nightmare enters the path
Forever exposing all in its rath
Taking with it the peace in heart
Tearing down all....falling apart.

Marking the soul, so tender and young
Bleeding the hearts involved
It has only just begun.
For until this nightmare is resolved
There can be no resolution of pain dissolved.

Sweeping hands with voracious intent
That monster, the nightmare
His last move spent.
For to her we all share
The love from heaven sent
Tenderly enforcing the message near
We are listening, we are caring, we are here.

ŠShannon Rickert June 1996

Child, Mine

The one that I seek, I can never find
She is buried so deep and I can't cross the line.
Although it's a fine line, it's boundaries are strong, I want back what's mine, for to me it belongs.

I weep and cry, then am silent and bold.
As I cling to the why, I am told..
"He loves me", but how can this be?
I feel so much pain.....

And again I search for that one
Child that I need.
Whose always run
From the hatred they breed.
And I can't escape,
Although I'm lost,
They have me and take
No matter the cost.

And still I'm looking for her.
But all that I see and hear
Are the echoes of emptiness
>From one who's dissappeared.
Behind the lines, down deep in the dark Where no one can see
The scars and marks.
She hides so well
For she knows
She can never tell
Without many woes.

So painfully lonely it must seem
To wait in the dark and hope for a dream.
Maybe some day things will change
Where people won't be so strange.
And the walls will fall, and the lines fade To her I will call till contact made.
Love and trust, together we shall find
And I can be one with that brave child, MINE!

ŠShannon Rickert February 1991

A knife plunged deep within my heart
couldn't be more sharp.
A bullet directly through my head
might not hurt as much.
A broken leg would surely heal
more quickly than I could;
for I'm still deeply wounded
by the loss of childhood.
Š--KLC

AN UNMADE BED

There's a terrible pain
Deep inside.
It can't be erased,
And you can never hide.

It strikes like a bullet,
Searing through,
Deep to the heart,
As it will always do.

You can't ever talk about it,
And it won't ever fade;
The bed has been built,
But it can never be made.

If you're careful now,
And you bury it deep;
You can hide it inside,
And the secret you'll keep.

But beware the pain,
For it surfaces at will,
And carries an ache with it,
That may never still.

@Alanna E. Campbell
September 5, 1992.

Mommy Hear Me?

Mommy hear me calling thee
Tell me when I will be free
Of this horror in my brain
Tell me when I'll feel no pain

Mommy hear me calling thee
Hope that you can get me free
Daddy's crawling in my bad
How I wish that I was dead

Mommy hear me calling thee
Tell me how that this could be
Now I've got a brand new pearl
'Cause I was Dad's special girl

Mommy hear me calling thee
I wish that this could never be
I was only six years old
Only did what I was told

Mommy hear me calling thee
Tell me when will I be free
Caught up in a childhood hell
'Cause I said that I would not tell

Mommy hear me calling thee
Hope that you can get me free
Can't you hear my silent screams
Are things as bad as it may seem

Mommy hear me calling thee
Thought that things were plain to see
Those troubled times have gone away
But the memories are here to stay

Mommy hear me calling thee
Maybe you will one day see
Because of this I have no pride
I think of trying suicide

Mommy hear me calling thee
Won't you try to rescue me
Do you believe what I have said
As the bullet strikes my head

Mommy hear me calling thee
No one heard my final plea
Leave this poem upon my grave
Hope that someone might be saved

Mommy hear me calling thee
Only death has set me free
When you promise not to tell
It will send you straight to hell

Mommy hear me calling thee
Please don't shed a tear for me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Daddy

My bones are tired daddy, I don't get enough sleep
I don't eat as well as I could daddy what does that say about me?
Sometimes I sleep past noon daddy
Drink lots of coffee and smoke like a chimney
Yes, I left the refrigerator door open daddy
What's that say about me?
Sometimes I want to rip out your throat, daddy
For all you have done to me
Gonna make you just as vulnerable as I was daddy
What's that say about me?
Sometimes I want to bash in your teeth daddy
Gonna use your tounge as a stamp
Gonna rip out your heart the way you did mine daddy
Go ahead, psycho analyze that
Cause I'm your creation daddy
I'm from your love
Grew up to be all those sick things you said I would daddy
Well, last night I saw you sneak out your window daddy
With your little blonde bimbo waiting
What's that say about you?
I'm sloppy, what's that say about you
I'm messy what's that say about you
My bones are tired daddy
What's that say about you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
dying

living a life
i never wanted to own
lost in a world,
where they left me alone.
crying for love
in midst of the black,
i'm fleeing this world,
and not coming back.
escaping existence,
where love denotes pain;
full of the question,
"am i insane?"
yearning to please
so others accept,
deep hidden secrets
within that i kept.
no one understands
the person i've hid
not as an adult
nor as a kid.
my entire life
i've fought to get by
now i am done,
with no courage to try.
i would like to believe,
that i touched a life,
but it cost to much,
and i've paid the price.
my heart is tired,
and can't bear to break,
or endure the pain,
its predestined to take.
so alone i prepare,
for the journey to come,
the decision is mine,
not agreed with by some.
i invite them now
to try on my shoes,
and facing these odds,
what would they do?
never finding peace,
or a place to belong,
not a hand to hold onto
when right even feels wrong.
no shoulder to lean on,
or a friend i can love
never knowing
or trusing
a God up above.
believing i'm evil,
that i kill those who care
feeling so empty,
having nothing to share.
entrapped in a body
i've always wanted to shed
sleeping alone
yet with a man in my bed.
memories of a child
full of anger and fear
having a mother
who refused to get near.
never being touched,
unless to cause hurt
crying for love
as i was cast to the dirt.
growing up in a world
so foreign and new
not knowing the rules
of what i should do.
i had found a friend
but i push them away,
which taught me a lesson;
no one will stay.
the cycle has swung
full circle to here,
i wont ride again,
the pain i can't bear.
the answer i've chosen,
may not be right,
but the war is over,
and so is the fight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kid Fears

Curled up in bed, hiding from the world
Not wanting to hear those loud footsteps in the hall
Footsteps that mean pain and fear

Dreams of blackness and hate
Waking up scared to death
Realizing that the nightmares are true
Too scared to move, he'll come back

Thoughts of suicide and death
Whirling in her mind like a tornado
Wanting to get out, to stop this terrible life

Feeling hopeless and alone
She turns to other means of comfort
Booze, drugs, and knifes...
The only things holding her together

This isn't the life for an eight year old child
This life of pain, fear, hurt, and hate
A life that she will live in forever

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Above poems

ŠHaley

"Little Girl Lost"

There once was a little girl,
Who didn't know what to do.
She'd always been such a good sweet child,
So, for him, she took off her shoe.

There once was alittle girl,
Who didn't know what to say.
Noone had ever hurt her before,
So she let him touch her that way.

There once was a little girl,
Who didn't know how to cry.
He kept up with his pushing and poking,
Till the little girl started to die.

There once was a really big girl,
Who didn't know what to mourn.
The little girl was so dead and lost,
It's as if she was never born.
by

ŠJennifer Kronk

IVORY

Soap and water
Soap and water
wash away
the dirt of my father
bruises and grime
bring back the time
he stole away my youth
crying hysterically in the shower
being tortured
every waking hour
by those of you
who don't know
what I had to go through
soap and water
soap and water
mother viewed it as
the sins of her daughter
please wash away the pain
make me free again
or at least
make me like the others
key words and photographs
certain places and cynical laughs
remind of the hurt
he inflicted upon me
certain days, certain times
laughing children and nursery rhymes
sent it all rushing back
the dirtiness
the hate
the things I lack
soap and water
bubblebath and perfume
cover the lingering scent
that drifts through the room
wipe away the fear
with every new tear
somebody wake me
from the nightmare

by

ŠCindy Roberts

The bowl was full of bright red cherries.
They came and tipped the bowl.
The cherries fell to the floor
Some were bruised, some were squashed.
They dumped the cherries back into the bowl.
On the surface the cherries looked ok.
But when you looked beneath the surface.
You saw the damge that was done.

children crying,
children dying,
were all lying
ignore there plea
we won't see
(how can we)
the pain there in
its not our sin
there not our kin
ignore them all
let them fall
its not my call

It's not ok with me!
you took my body used it for your needs.
it's not ok with me!
you took my mind, confused it for you needs
its not ok with me!
you took my heart, twisted it dry for your needs
its not ok with me!
you took my trust , and threw it away for your needs
its not ok with me
you took the child that i once was,
so innocent brave and strong.
you took the child I once was,
and smothered her with your needs.
its not ok with me!
She lays buried deep and wounded.
gone forever, never to play again.
ITS NOT OK WITH ME!

Švlynn

Out Of Control

Any empty shell

No one to tell

I don't feel well

How can this be

Happen to me

I want to be free

No one can know

How I'm loosing it so

There is no one to show

Unsaddle this sadness

Release this madness

Remove the badness

I am loosing control

My mind on patrol

I need to talk

To cry to walk

To make my mark

Yet all is lost

My heart is frost

I turn and toss

An empty shell

With no one to tell

I feel so unwell

Something is gnawing

Eating away

Taking, removing

More each day

It is harder to live

To find the will to give

To want to be

Whoever is me

ŠJill Miles

I feel

I am finding it hard to cope, not always mope,

to stay always sane and accept there was pain,

even though it is hard, I am an empty yard,

I have to go on, for the children I have borne,

but my soul and my heart are in trouble I fear,

For I do not know if I will last the year,

Oh this pain in my heart, this heavy weight that I feel.

ŠJill Miles

I don't feel good

No good in this mood

Run away every day

Find an easier way

I need a chat

Not an angry rat

I have to tell

I need to feel well

I don't know what to do

Why or what or who

So very confused

No way amused

Please help me be rid

Of this weighty hatred

Let me not despair

Pull out my hair

Is there anyone there

Who will listen to me

I am so sad in here

Alone with me

My feelings are high

Running riot, let me cry

I feel ready to die

I wave goodbye

I am tired, sad, hurt, confused

My body, my soul, all abused

I have lost all my reasons for being alive

With all of these things how can I thrive.

ŠJill Miles

see me

he didn't see me
what did he see

a child?
fragile, loving, frightened, happy, sad, smart, silly, pretty, nice,
trusting

a thing?
soft, quiet, malleable, convenient, disposable

you see me

a woman
strong, vulnerable, silly, happy sad, quiet, loud, soft, tough,
frightened, brave, loving
a survivor.

ŠSandy

There are many more to follow (just finding time to get them there:)) but please, if you have poems you would like to contribute then please send them to me, and mark the email *poetry* and I will add them to the page. Please add your name if you want the copywrite added to it, or anon if that is your wish.

Email me Jill Miles at info@survivors.org.uk

Page Design : Jill Miles

ArtWork: Jill Miles

(or borrowed from other sources on the net)

For help or further information please email me